I really am pretty lucky. Although I have had my problems, they were essentially recognized and dealt with when I was a very young man and although my road into adulthood has not been without a few bumps, it has been a satisfying and rewarding journey.
I was reminded of this today when I heard that yet another person I know of my age – and this makes three now – is facing emotional and psychological turmoil as a result of being sexually molested as a child. Long repressed memories are resurfacing with very painful effects that splash out into the lives of those around them. Their own children, their own lovers.
Why should one have to pay such a price when one's life should by now be settled and happy? It reminds me yet again of the great vulnerabilities that we are all prone to. Vulnerabilities and hurts that are all too often dismissed, minimized and simply blown-off when we are young. But they never heal unless addressed and that requires of lot of painful, honest self-examination with the help of trained counselors. Simply willing yourself to forget is never a solution, yet I have heard advice of this very nature offered almost universally. Usually by young people to other young people. When you don't know, I guess you don't know.
It's very sad.
Very wise words. Reminds me a lot of a Norwegian song that meant a lot to me growing up, called I know you want to give up.A little translation:I know you are in pain, but I can't cry all the tears for you.You have to cry them yourself, but I will cry them with you, I will cry them with you
You´re so right.My mother is a very old woman – and it wasn´t untill a few years ago that she admitted to (I deliberately choose the word admit in this context) having been abused as a 10 year old girl. She hadn´t told anyone untill then – not even my dad, and this had caused her to experience a profound feeling of guilt and low self-esteem throughout her life.I knew through my youth and adulthood that she was in agony sometimes. But my father – who didn´t know better – told me that this was the way women sometimes behaved. It would pass.A life of sufferings and misunderstandings because an asshat of a stepfather felt the urge to masturbate in the presense of a young girl. That makes me so angry I could kick his teeth in if he wasn´t dead already.No, I don´t mean that. Things like that just makes me desperate. It´s my mother, and I can´t defend her now. I can just listen and try to understand, which I do. But she probably won´t have that many years left on this planet, and I so wish this was dealt with way earlier.All this just to say how right you are in this post of yours.
Thanks for that quote, misund007 – vary apt and a very wise sentiment.Allan, how horrible for your mother – and for you. So many years in pain. If only… All you can do is do what you are doing today; being as supportive and understanding as you can. At least she did not carry this secret to the grave, and was able to share it with you. That took great courage on her part and shows how deeply she trusts you.Simply from the experiences of those around me, I realise that child abuse is a much more common experience than seems possible, and there is still a very heavy taboo and burden of shame on those who have suffered. It really is awful. 😦